{"id":19028,"date":"2022-09-12T17:37:54","date_gmt":"2022-09-13T00:37:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.3rdactmagazine.com\/?p=19028"},"modified":"2023-09-04T15:19:38","modified_gmt":"2023-09-04T22:19:38","slug":"bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/","title":{"rendered":"Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Bittersweet
Bittersweet Book Cover<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

By Susan Cain \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Reviewed by Ann Hedreen<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Not everyone might be drawn like a magnet to a title like Bittersweet, <\/em>let alone the subtitle of How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole. <\/em>But I was. I am a fan of Susan Cain\u2019s first book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can\u2019t Stop Talking <\/em>(2012), <\/em>and I sensed that Bittersweet <\/em>might be an intriguing follow-up. This is especially true in 2022, when many of us have experienced more sorrow and longing in the past few years than, perhaps, in any previous era of our life. And so we know firsthand that with sorrow and longing comes meaning and \u201cpoignance\u201d\u2014 a particularly popular word, Cain writes, among those of us in the second half, or third, or final lap of life.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Poignancy \u201chappens when you feel happy and sad at the same time. It\u2019s the state you enter when you cry tears of joy,\u201d Cain writes. As we get older, we \u201cstart to focus on what matters most, stop caring so much about ambition, status, and getting ahead. You want the time you have left to be charged with love and meaning.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 In the introduction to Bittersweet<\/em>, you\u2019ll find a quiz, which includes questions like: \u201cDo you feel elevated by sad music? Do you tend to see the happiness and sadness in things, all at once?\u201d I chafed a little: I wanted to read, not take a quiz. But then of course I took it, and I thought, clearly, I need to read this book. Because this is me. Not just me now, but me all my life. Yes, I love laughter and joy. But I am also, and always have been, drawn to sad music, poetry and art, and yes, I also \u201ctear up easily at touching television commercials.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cain dives deeply into what she and many psychologists call the \u201ctyranny of positivity\u201d that pervades American culture. She also tackles another American trope, \u201ceffortless perfection,\u201d which demands that we \u201cappear like a winner without needing to try.\u201d She sits in on workshops with psychologist Susan David, who is dedicated to helping others accept and integrate their difficult emotions. \u201cYou might think you\u2019re in control of unwanted emotions when you ignore them, but in fact they control you,\u201d David tells her audiences. \u201cInternal pain always comes out. Always. And who pays the price? We do. Our children, our colleagues, our communities.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cain weaves stories from her own life\u2014some heartbreaking, some funny, all of them poignant\u2014throughout the book, which gives Bittersweet<\/em> an intimacy and feeling of deep honesty. She shares poetry and lyrics that have moved her, from contemporary singer-songwriters to the Sufi poet Rumi. \u201cThis longing you express\/ is the return message,\u201d Rumi wrote, seven centuries ago. \u201cThe grief you cry out from\/ draws you toward union.\u201d<\/p>\n

I am grateful to Susan Cain for reminding us of these and other bittersweet truths. And for reminding us that acknowledging the bittersweet currents in our lives can be so unexpectedly uplifting.<\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Susan Cain \u00a0 Reviewed by Ann Hedreen\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Not everyone might be drawn like a magnet to a title likeMore<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[92],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19028","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-book-review"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nBittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole — 3rd Act Magazine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Not everyone might be drawn like a magnet to a title like Bittersweet, let alone the subtitle of How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole. But I was.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Not everyone might be drawn like a magnet to a title like Bittersweet, let alone the subtitle of How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole. But I was.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"3rd Act Magazine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/3rdActMagazine\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-09-13T00:37:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-09-04T22:19:38+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-197x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Victoria Starr Marshall\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@3rdActMag\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@3rdActMag\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Victoria Starr Marshall\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Victoria Starr Marshall\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#\/schema\/person\/3c9ccf25e7e25f470f43657014466048\"},\"headline\":\"Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-09-13T00:37:54+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-09-04T22:19:38+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/\"},\"wordCount\":523,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-197x300.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Book Review\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/\",\"name\":\"Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole — 3rd Act Magazine\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-197x300.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-09-13T00:37:54+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-09-04T22:19:38+00:00\",\"description\":\"Not everyone might be drawn like a magnet to a title like Bittersweet, let alone the subtitle of How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole. But I was.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1.jpg\",\"width\":1684,\"height\":2560,\"caption\":\"Bittersweet Book Cover\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/\",\"name\":\"3rd Act Magazine\",\"description\":\"Aging with Confidence\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"3rd Act Magazine\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/3rd-Act-logo-orange-scaled.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/3rd-Act-logo-orange-scaled.jpg\",\"width\":2560,\"height\":763,\"caption\":\"3rd Act Magazine\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/3rdActMagazine\/\",\"https:\/\/x.com\/3rdActMag\",\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/company\/93455502\/admin\/feed\/posts\/\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#\/schema\/person\/3c9ccf25e7e25f470f43657014466048\",\"name\":\"Victoria Starr Marshall\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole — 3rd Act Magazine","description":"Not everyone might be drawn like a magnet to a title like Bittersweet, let alone the subtitle of How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole. But I was.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole","og_description":"Not everyone might be drawn like a magnet to a title like Bittersweet, let alone the subtitle of How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole. But I was.","og_url":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/","og_site_name":"3rd Act Magazine","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/3rdActMagazine\/","article_published_time":"2022-09-13T00:37:54+00:00","article_modified_time":"2023-09-04T22:19:38+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-197x300.jpg","type":"","width":"","height":""}],"author":"Victoria Starr Marshall","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@3rdActMag","twitter_site":"@3rdActMag","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Victoria Starr Marshall","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/"},"author":{"name":"Victoria Starr Marshall","@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#\/schema\/person\/3c9ccf25e7e25f470f43657014466048"},"headline":"Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole","datePublished":"2022-09-13T00:37:54+00:00","dateModified":"2023-09-04T22:19:38+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/"},"wordCount":523,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-197x300.jpg","articleSection":["Book Review"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/","url":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/","name":"Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole — 3rd Act Magazine","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-197x300.jpg","datePublished":"2022-09-13T00:37:54+00:00","dateModified":"2023-09-04T22:19:38+00:00","description":"Not everyone might be drawn like a magnet to a title like Bittersweet, let alone the subtitle of How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole. But I was.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1.jpg","width":1684,"height":2560,"caption":"Bittersweet Book Cover"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/bittersweet-how-sorrow-and-longing-make-us-whole\/book-review\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/","name":"3rd Act Magazine","description":"Aging with Confidence","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#organization","name":"3rd Act Magazine","url":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/3rd-Act-logo-orange-scaled.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/3rd-Act-logo-orange-scaled.jpg","width":2560,"height":763,"caption":"3rd Act Magazine"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/3rdActMagazine\/","https:\/\/x.com\/3rdActMag","https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/company\/93455502\/admin\/feed\/posts\/"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/#\/schema\/person\/3c9ccf25e7e25f470f43657014466048","name":"Victoria Starr Marshall"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19028","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19028"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19028\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19037,"href":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19028\/revisions\/19037"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19028"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19028"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19028"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}