{"id":44047,"date":"2025-07-10T12:58:49","date_gmt":"2025-07-10T19:58:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/?p=44047"},"modified":"2025-07-10T12:58:49","modified_gmt":"2025-07-10T19:58:49","slug":"leaving-and-living-a-legacy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/leaving-and-living-a-legacy\/current-issue\/","title":{"rendered":"Leaving\u2013\u2013and Living\u2013\u2013a Legacy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Recording your memories, values, and lessons learned in an Ethical Will is a time-honored, precious way to share your authentic self with others.<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe unexamined life is not worth living.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In the 4<\/span>th<\/span> century BCE, the Greek philosopher Plato wrote these words spoken by his teacher, Socrates, in a work called \u201cThe Apology.\u201d In it, the 70-year-old Socrates, having been condemned to death by Athenian officials for corrupting the city\u2019s youth with his philosophy, justifies his beliefs and values and his decision to share them with others as a teacher. In short, he was leaving a legacy by making a public statement about his authentic self.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Socrates\u2019 lofty impulse is actually one that many of us can relate to as we age. More often we may find ourselves reflecting on our own lives, the choices we\u2019ve made, and the lessons we\u2019ve learned\u2013\u2013and wanting to share them with our family and others we love in the hope that they might benefit from our insights.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One way we can do this is through the creation of an Ethical Will (EW). While not a legal document requiring witnesses or notarization, an EW can be as powerful and meaningful as a Last Will and Testament in clarifying our wishes for others\u2019 lives.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A Centuries-Old Tradition\u00a0<\/span><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The concept of an EW goes back centuries and spans civilizations. The Ancient Greek tradition of writing an Apology, or explanation, of one\u2019s life was later adopted by the Romans and continued throughout Medieval Europe. At the same time, Islamic culture promoted the idea of the Spiritual Will to record personal principles for determining how best to disperse one\u2019s money for charitable purposes. In modern times in Japan, with the rise of a very large elder population, some older adults are writing \u201cending notes\u201d as a way of leaving a moral legacy for their descendants.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The most notable and sustained EW tradition can be found among the Jewish culture of speaking to one\u2019s children or writing them Legacy Letters detailing the best way to live a life. Such examples are found in the Hebrew Bible and throughout Jewish literature.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What all these traditions have in common is the impulse for self-examination and self-evaluation of one\u2019s experiences for the ultimate benefit of others.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Some Elements of an EW<\/span><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What ideas might you include in this precious document? The answer: Anything that you hold dear.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, you can describe your memories, secrets, regrets, funny stories, accomplishments, and mistakes. You can offer to others advice, encouragement, acceptance, and forgiveness. You can summarize your core beliefs, express your gratitude, and challenge others to achieve their potential.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To accommodate such a variety of possibilities, an EW can take many forms and include such elements as lists, drawings, photos, and even scrapbook mementos. Moreover, it doesn\u2019t even have to be a written document but can be audio- or videotaped.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And, most important of all, legacy writing needn\u2019t be shared only after its creator is gone\u2014it can be handed down right now.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The \u201cForever Letter\u201d<\/span><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That last point is the focus of the work of Rabbi Elana Zaiman, author of <\/span>The Forever Letter: Writing What We Believe for Those We Love.<\/span><\/i> She describes this form of Jewish Legacy Letter as one \u201cthat is meant to deepen, heal, or uplift our relationships.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What makes her approach so original is that a Forever Letter (FL) doesn\u2019t limit the interaction being strictly generational but rather can be intergenerational.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As Zaiman explains, it\u2019s \u201ca letter anyone can write to anyone. Parents to children. Children to parents. Grandparents to grandchildren. Grandchildren to grandparents. Mentees to their mentors. Mentors to their mentees. Students to their teachers and teachers to students. Siblings and spouses to one another.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Because an FL\u2019s nature is fluid, its value lies in acknowledging the present moment rather than some future, post-mortem discovery.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cA Forever Letter is meant to be shared now,\u201d Zaiman says. \u201cAnyone can write an FL at any time, for any occasion and for no occasion\u2026. [It] is about connecting deeply with the people we love more than it is about passing on what we deem we need to pass on.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s important to say what we want to say before it is too late,\u201d Zaiman continues. \u201cNo matter how old or young we are. It\u2019s not just an elder that can die suddenly. It is any of us. And why wait to share how we feel about the people we love and care about? Why wait to repair what is broken? We must act now. We never know how much time we have.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Imagine surprising a recipient with your Ethical Will, Legacy Letter, or Forever Letter. Or choosing to share it on an important occasion such as a birthday, graduation, or wedding and creating a ritual around presenting or reading it. The act itself can emotionally impact everyone involved.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not be in the relationship now?\u201d Zaiman asks. \u201cWhy leave important words that we want to share for after we die?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That being said, she believes that we needn\u2019t be intimidated and stymied at the thought of such important personal sharing.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI encourage people to be themselves,\u201d she says. \u201cTo not expect themselves to be Shakespeare. To write the way they write, in their own voices. To talk about themselves, the person they are writing to, and their relationship with the person they are writing to, to be honest and real and present.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Some Important Caveats<\/span><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

No matter what language we use, Zaiman cautions us to think not only about what we share but also about our motivations for doing so.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe must be careful as we write legacy letters. To not command from the grave. And to not write a letter essentially asking that others live the lives we never did. We must remember that the people we are writing to are their own people with their own lives and interests and they must live their own lives, not the lives we had hoped to live and never succeeded at living, not even the lives we succeeded at living.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Living Your Legacy, Too<\/span><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s one additional value in recording your moral legacy, and in a way it can be the most important one of all. As Zaiman puts it, the act can be \u201ca transformational experience, taking us to our ultimate truth, our authentic self.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In other words, this formal process of reviewing and explaining our lives can be the catalyst for revealing who we have been and who we are, not only to others but also to ourselves. And this revelation can inspire us to make some changes in the goals we pursue and the ways in which we spend our time pursuing them.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In other words, as Socrates might agree, the examined life <\/span>is<\/span><\/i> worth living\u2014and sharing.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

[Sidebar] <\/span>Want to Get Started?<\/span><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Consider answering these questions:<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What was the most wonderful moment in your life?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What was your most difficult moment and how did you deal with it?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Who has\/have been your greatest teacher(s)?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What quality do you most value in a relationship?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How would you describe \u201cmeaningful work\u201d?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What is the most important lesson you\u2019ve learned so far?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What would you want to be remembered for?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Jeanette Leardi<\/span><\/i><\/b> is a Portland-based social gerontologist, community educator, and author of <\/span><\/i>Aging Sideways: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older<\/span><\/a>. She promotes older adult empowerment through her popular presentations and workshops in journaling, memoir writing, ethical will creation, brain fitness, creativity, ageism, intergenerational communication, and caregiver support to people of all ages. Learn more about her work on her <\/span><\/i>website<\/span><\/i><\/a>.<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The Importance of Legacy Planning<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n