{"id":8196,"date":"2018-01-03T09:00:36","date_gmt":"2018-01-03T17:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.3rdactmagazine.com\/?p=8196"},"modified":"2022-05-15T09:26:18","modified_gmt":"2022-05-15T16:26:18","slug":"dear-grandparents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/3rdactmagazine.com\/dear-grandparents\/aging\/family-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Grandparents: Don\u2019t Let Go"},"content":{"rendered":"

In many ways, the memories I have of my grandparents are even stronger than the ones I have of my parents. My brother and I spent many a weekend under our grandparents\u2019 heels in their tiny home in Pennsylvania. We had sleepovers and cookouts on the patio. We swung in the swing my grandfather built for us. Pulled onions and tomatoes from my grandmother\u2019s garden. While my parents moved from house to house, my grandparents\u2019 home never changed. It was my anchor. My lifeline.<\/p>\n

My children haven\u2019t had the same experience.<\/p>\n

Clearly, the American family is changing. Today, not only are many families fragmented by divorce, they are also living farther apart. I would know: I\u2019m a divorced mother of two sons. My father, who lives 2,000 miles away, has never met them. I\u2019m not alone. According to a New York Times<\/em> analysis of data from the University of Michigan Health and Retirement Study, about 20 percent of adult Americans live more than a few hours\u2019 drive from their parents. Couple that with the increasingly frenetic pace of after-school activities, youth sports, and screen time, and it\u2019s hard for some families\u2014even families that do live nearby\u2014to find a way for grandparents to play a meaningful role in their daily lives.<\/p>\n

At a time when we\u2019re seeing the largest boom of aging Americans, it seems we\u2019re pulling away from older family members in favor of our phones, activities, and work. In many cases, grandparents are getting pushed to the sidelines of our lives, rather than staying where they need to be\u2014in the center.<\/p>\n

So, what do we do about it?<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>For one thing, grandparents: We need you to recognize your significance in your grandchild\u2019s life. You are the key to their family history. You can teach them the lessons you learned the hard way, humble them with the things you\u2019ve accomplished, and remind them that you\u2014and other older people\u2014are just as important at 80 as at 10, 20, or 50. Age does not determine the value of life. If you aren\u2019t sure where to start a conversation, try the following:<\/p>\n

Aging is a good thing. <\/strong>Children often view old toys as being just as disposable as paper plates and cups. What about their views of older people<\/em>? My own 6-year-old recently told me I don\u2019t need to bother learning the correct way to hold a football because I\u2019m too wrinkly! We need to show children there is value in aging. There is value in new perspectives. There is value in people who have been here\u2014working, learning, and living\u2014long before they came. Newer isn\u2019t better. Wrinkles aren\u2019t bad. Slow isn\u2019t boring. Gray is the new black.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not the center of the universe.\u201d<\/strong> When I was younger, it didn\u2019t even occur to me to ask my grandfather about his time in the Navy, or how he and my grandma fell in love. Those details came out much later, when we started corresponding by letter in college. We need to show our kids that their grandparents are walking history books. We need you to show them they aren\u2019t the first ones to face a challenge, get scared, take a road trip, drive across the country, fall in love, or fight for something they believe in. This is perspective our children need to hear, see, and touch to be better people living better lives. And they don\u2019t have to be adults before they realize it.<\/p>\n

Slow down.<\/strong> We don\u2019t get do-overs in aging. Not in our own lives\u2014and not in the lives of others. My mom died when she was 48. I spent years of my life running away from her sickness because it was hard. It was uncomfortable. It made me sad\u2014and I was in a hurry with my own life. I wanted to do my own stuff without thinking about hard things. I know the regret of not being there for someone when they needed me. I learned the hard way that slowing down and caring about people around me is the most important thing<\/em>. Grandparents: you can be that constant reminder in your children and grandchildren\u2019s lives.<\/p>\n

Indeed, the best way we can teach today\u2019s children that family is forever is to model that behavior ourselves<\/em>. We need you to show them\u2014not just tell them\u2014that involving, asking, helping, and making space for those we love is essential no matter what age someone may be.<\/p>\n

Dear grandparents: No matter how forgotten, lost, or insignificant you may sometimes feel in today\u2019s frenetic, fast-paced world, you must refuse to stop teaching us. You must refuse to let go of those you love.<\/p>\n

Jess Stonefield<\/strong><\/em> writes about aging, mental health, and the greater-longevity economy for publications such as Forbes.com, Next Avenue, and Changing Aging. She is a communications expert for the <\/em>Senior Living Fund<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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